i think it's interesting that in my life (before 18), the older i got, the more famous/popular i wanted to become.  but after 18, the older i got, the less public i wanted to be.  i think it suddenly hit me, that popularity/fame is really not what it appears to be.  a lot of other baggage comes along with it.

that, coupled with my laziness to blog and my unwillingness to share my personal side at times, lead me to close this blog.  yes, this will be the last entry here.

it won't be the last of me on the internet though.  i'm moving somewhere else.  i won't lock it, but i'll certainly lock certain entries that are more private.  even then, don't expect full disclosure, because i realize some things are not meant more than 1/2 pairs of eyes.

i also expect entries to come less often.  but we'll see abt that.

in any case, if you do have an interest in my life and want to continue to encourage and support me, feel free to ask me where i have moved to.  i would appreciate no linking and no spreading of the address as well.  my email, i think most of you should know, MSN as well.  if you don't, there are ways to get it, so if you really care abt me, there are ways.

i suppose readership will go down and i might lose some friends (in the sense that they're no longer updated abt my life), but i think this alternative beats a complete stop in blogging.  anyway i think the primary reason for the blog will be for my family and close friends who want to know what's going on with me.

so ta.  thank you for reading, and God bless you :)

work was a little frustrating, so i took a little time off to read a passage off biblegateway (oh thank God for biblegateway).  randomly selected a psalm (i wanted to read a psalm, i was sure that i could identify with one of them).  chose psalm 37, and reading it made me feel a lot better.  there were 2 things in particular that caught my attention as i read the chapter, and here they are (not in any particular order)...

the second half of v8 was rather interesting- "... Do not fret- it only causes harm."  what a pointed, direct admonition!  we are called not to worry, and why?  it only causes harm.  there is no good in worry.  such a pertinent reminder in a world like ours, where pple think that we don't care for someone if we aren't "concerned" abt them.  concern is but a euphemism for worry, isn't it?  and it's really hard, i realize, not to worry abt those closest to you, those that you love.  yet ironically the Bible says that if we really love someone, we should NOT care for them!  i.e. not worry abt them.  how strange, yet how true!  let us not forget.

the second thing that was interesting was v4: "Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."

now wait a moment God, you say.  How can You boldly say that You'll give us the desires of our heart?  aren't you afraid that we might desire for unholy, evil things, as we are so apt to do?

herein lies the beauty of grace.  grace is a mechanism that leads you down the right path.  the condition clause in v4 holds the key to everything.  as we delight ourselves in the Lord, our desires line up with God's will and God's word, and thus fulfilling His desires would be no more than unfolding whatever is good for us and those around us.  it's like when you spend a lot of time with someone, your desires line up with what that person wants.  it all works out!

ok back to work :)

today i went with karen and some of her friends to fish at a kelong off pasir ris park!  (for the clueluess, a kelong is an offshore "jetty" where fishermen fish and stay.  that's the best description i can give right now... try googling it if you still have no idea what it is).  it was excitingg for me because it was my first time fishing AND it was my first time to a kelong :)

God set up the weather perfectly for us.  when driving there the sun was blazing hot, but when we got out of the car and were waiting for the boat to take us to the jetty dark clouds were beginning to fill the sky, and we even felt a few raindrops.  but God was really good, and He heard our prayer!  it didn't rain all day, giving us perfect cloud cover for a cool breezy afternoon :)

i caught no fish :(  actually, no one caught any except geri, who caught TWO! :)  karen took one back home, the other (it was a garoupa) was thrown back into the sea cos it was too small.  i want a fish toooo.... maybe next time :)

the kelong uncle was really chill.  he was making lame jokes throughout, and giving us minispeeches on "sociology" and "psychology" and some life lessons.  i have to say that some of the things he said were really important and worth remembering.  a lot of singaporeans would look at him and say, "aiyoh, so sad, just a kelong uncle, what kind of life is that?"  but he would say the same thing back at them!  he's so content with his life, and he loves how relaxing it is for him.  i want my life to relaxing too.  relaxing doesn't mean not doing anything.  it means being like Jesus, being busy on the outside (possibly), but never busy on the inside.

dinner was at this cheap (but good) zi char place in bedok, dessert at the food court next to bedok mrt.  all in all, it was a chill relaxing day, that i enjoyed very much :D

for now, it's back to work :)

every time i read articles about the public sector and see the public's negative comments (it's almost always negative), i get more and more pissed off.  call me biased (since i'll be working in the public sector for at least 6 years), but i feel the govt gets a lot of flak that it doesn't deserve.

working in singapore's public sector has got to be the most thankless job around.  no one commends a good job done.  pple only complain when you screw up.  and even when you do a good job, pple think we can do better.  or we have some hidden agenda.  or we are keeping the money for ourselves and leaving the rest of singapore to suffer.

now i'm not saying the government is always right.  no, we are wrong many a times.  we're human too.  we get things wrong.  who doesn't?  but don't we deserve a little thanks for all we've done?  just watch singapore dreaming, and see how fortunate we are already.  the average singaporean lives a very cushy life compared to the average person on earth.  i remember asking my african friend the following stupid question: so what's African cuisine like?  i'm such a fool... Africans have no unique cuisine to talk abt, because so many of them don't even have food to eat!  and here we are complaining about things that are so trivial compared to that.

but again, i acknowledge the struggles some singaporeans go through.  and sure, the public sector might be flying on autopilot, assuming if they maintain the status quo all will be well.  but at the same time, not EVERYTHING the government does is wrong!  SURELY we're doing at least ONE thing right?

my head hurts.

andrew came :) and went :(  it was funny how andrew's singapore trip came abt (he was in hong kong before this).  we were chatting casually over gchat on wednesday, and i casually (notice how casual this was) suggested he come to singapore, since we're only abt 3 hours apart.  little did i expect him to reply in the positive, and that he was going to come the next day!!!!  i was thrilled.  went with dad to pick him up thursday midnight, stayed over at karen's place (her parents were really gracious in letting us stay over).

the next few days consisted of karen, tk and i roaming abt singapore and showing andrew some of the cool things singapore has.  the main activity, of course, was FOOD.  i mean, that's really half of Singapore's draw.  we counted, andrew tried abt 44 different types of food, including drinks.  and no, that is not a typo, it really is 44.  singapore's food is totally amazing.  sweemer is coming tmr, and that will be a confirmation of our superior cuisine :)

it was a tiring weekend, but a weekend well spent.  looking forward to more outings like this :)

ANDREW KIM IS IN SINGAPORE!!!!

need i say more

i have learnt that drowning is far easier than to watch helplessly as someone you love drowns.

in other news, i extract my 2 other wisdom teeth tmr.  pray for me :)

on the sixth day, we made banana bread, and it was amazing :)

i forgot to take pictures

1 Kings 21:29

even for a wicked king such as Ahab, one verse of repentance caused God to impart some mercy to him.

on sunday a guest preacher came to my church.  his message was really simple, based off the feeding of the five thousand.  in essence, he asked 2 questions: "Who do you say Jesus is?" "How big is God to you?"  and hearing about his life in the missionary field and all the might works God is doing reminded me of how exciting the life of faith is.

somewhat related to the previous post... having experienced both manna and new creation, i feel somewhat torn that eventually i'll have to choose between two different styles of worship.  i love manna's small, intimate setting, the worship, the way we pray, etc.... i love my church's worship excellence too, the messages (which has a somewhat different emphasis from manna), ...  maybe i'm taking this the wrong way, but i feel like after i graduate and remain in singapore, i'll have to choose one style over the other.  unless i find some kind of small group that is similar in style to manna.  hmm.

in any case, both choices are amazing.  God is so good and so big, no one church or para-church organization can contain His fullness.

in other news, i pulled out two wisdom teeth yesterday (the two on the right).  MAN did it hurt all of yesterday, i was miserable :(  but today i'm feeling a lot better.  much thanks to all those that prayed for me, your prayers were effective!

i start work in MOF on monday.  i hope it'll go well :)